


Connotation, Hallucination or Realisation?

by HannahkinSkywalker



Series: If you're trapped in your head you might miss me [2]
Category: Marvel (Movies), The Avengers (2012)
Genre: Flashbacks, Just short self indulgence really, M/M, Morning Cuddles, PTSD, Stony - Freeform, Well slight Stony
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-09
Updated: 2013-07-09
Packaged: 2017-12-18 05:37:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,268
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/876220
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HannahkinSkywalker/pseuds/HannahkinSkywalker
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A familiar face is all it takes to send Steve back into his own head. </p><p>A slightly more familiar face is all it takes to bring him back.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Connotation, Hallucination or Realisation?

**Author's Note:**

> I don't really see much in the way of how affected Steve was by fighting. He did fight a fair bit, and it's almost as if people forget that. Almost by default, soldiers in the world wars suffer from hallucinations and flashbacks, so why shouldn't Steve be any different? In other words I'm just torturing Steve as an excuse for a Stony cuddle

As it turns out, when a horror found in sleep is suppressed, it will often make itself known at another time, usually the least convenient time possible.

Needless to say, no one expected Steve to fall into an episode in waking, let alone in the middle of the city. Even worse, in the middle of a fight. All in all, Steve had not expected this either. He didn't break down, he was Captain America, the sort-of-leader of the Avengers Initiative, the patriotic hero that brought hope (and sold bonds to put a bullet in the barrel of your best guy's gun, he often thought rather bitterly) this didn't happen to him.

And yet it had. He supposed there had already been a great deal of stress put on Steve over the past week. Rumours of a winter assassin had been flying around, familiar names, with a shit tonne of questionings from professional interrogators and friends alike. His mind was already in that set, already dangerously teetering on the edge. He hadn't slept much the night before after. Tony was away, and although he managed to not cry out, there were still a few tremors throughout the night. 

Excuses aside, Steve had been in the middle of taking down a few Doombots. Simple enough, it was just the sheer numbers that provided the difficulty. He saw a flicker out of the corner of his eye, something which caught his attention. He instinctively looked away only for a second to gain his bearings and froze. 

That was Bucky. James Bucky Barnes. What was he doing here? This couldn't be real. He quickly realised that this couldn't be Bucky, not the man he knew, at least. He was harsh, cold, jagged in his movements. And his eyes, his burning eyes seemed to bore into Steve's skull, threatening to  
tear him apart.

Was this all just another dream? He had so many questions, and soon found his most recent one answered. This all happened in a second, but it was long enough for a Doombot to gain an advantage, and throw itself at Steve, who cried out in shock and horror. That image of Bucky still swimming across his face in sickening ripples.

Steve was pressed down into the floor with such force that both he and the Doombot broke through the thin concrete, straight into the Subway below. Random members of the public scattered, grabbing hold on their loved ones, quickly leaving the two of them alone on the platform.  
Flashes of Bucky still blocking out his vision as the machine threw him down again and again. Steve struggled to a standing position, forcing his head up to face the Doombot. He couldn't hear the whir of machinery as the old screams which flooded his dreams most nights suddenly all came back, quickly followed by another blow from the bot. This time, Steve was really no longer aware of where he was, New York was fading away quickly. He was falling into the ice again. And Peggy, Peggy...

The blurs of green flashed through the images, as the relentless Doombot was pulled away. He could hear loud footfalls, each one ricocheting through him with the bombs, shrapnel flew towards him, as he brought up a hand to defend himself. A Hydra soldier was above him, and he tried to slip away, knowing he was defenceless. But the voice, it was recognisable. He knew it. Bruce? It sounded like him, the soft voice trying to call him over and over again, but Steve couldn't make it through the fog. He heard Bruce - had he changed back - but saw the soldier, moving in to attack, the soldier was joined by others, but their voices were different, their speech strange, yet far too familiar to him. 

"What's wrong with him?"

"No clue, this has never happened before."

"Steve, you're all right now. Steve!" 

He could hear his friends calling out to him, but the only physical sensations were the blows from the soldiers which surrounded him, their gleeful eyes burning into him, but that didn't matter, it hurt but it didn't matter. What mattered was the figure behind them all. Bucky. But he was dead, Steve knew this, he saw him fall. He couldn't have survived.

But Steve had, so why not?

What had Bucky become, if it even was him? James Barnes was a good man, Steve knew this. He couldn't shake the cold glare boring into him.

"What's he looking at?"

"Steve, no one's there."

"Okay this isn't working. What else should we do?"

"Don't touch him!"

He could hear them all, Steve thought he'd called out Bucky's name a few times, but he couldn't be sure. The pain of the shrapnel which had struck him earlier throbbing through his body now. He curled up, defensively, trying to protect his soft parts. He could feel himself shaking, but he wasn't sure why. He just wanted to be left alone, in peace. He wished these fucking flashbacks would just end.

"Where the fuck have you been?"

"On business. What happened?"

"No idea, we can't get close enough. You might as well try."

Without warning, a warm, shadowy figure was on him, Steve felt a new stab of fear appear, as he fought back, trying to defend himself. He threw an arm out, but his wrist was caught by the figure. He panicked, trying to writhe away, but found it impossible, he was pinned down, trapped. 

"Hey, Capsicle. Why not one back to New York? It's far better here, warmer too."

Of course Steve knew that voice, that tone, that small insult which really didn't mean much anymore. Things started to grow back into focus, but the pain started up all over again. Seemed that part of his.. Flashback? Hallucination? Whatever you'd cal it, was real. He felt sharp pains run through him, as he noticed Tony's concerned face swimming in front of him. He assumed the others were there two. He could hear murmurs from far away. "You're late." He said, trying to roll onto his side. Steve heard a short burst of nervous laughter from the engineer above him, before he blacked out entirely, with no dreams to haunt him. 

 

When Steve was next aware of his surroundings, he was in a bed, tangled up in the sheets. He shifted, groaning in pain as whatever had hurt him made itself known. He could still feel the image burnt against his eyelids. Bucky, standing over him, falling, fighting for him, every little snippet of time that they'd spent together. He asked for his oldest friend, calling into the darkness as he tried to get out of the knots of blanket. He felt himself nearly roll out of the bed, before a pair of familiar hands caught him, pushing him back onto the bed. Tony was murmuring words of encouragement, and before either of them could argue Steve had pulled the other onto the bed with him, the contact, no matter how small, kept him anchored. 

"Danger night?"

"Hm." 

That was all they said. It was all they needed to say. Steve knew Tony was curious as to what had happened, what was going on on Steve's head, but the other didn't pry, and Steve found himself grateful for that. They just lay there, for who knows how long. Steve seeming suddenly small, his cheek resting just above the arc reactor in Tony's chest, and Tony with his arms wrapped around Steve's shoulders.  
After a while Steve eventually piped up, unsure if Tony was still awake, also unsure if that really mattered. 

"Thank you."


End file.
